At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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