sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
