guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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