He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
