Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
