I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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