my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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