just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
