you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize