hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it fun? or sober?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
