I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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