I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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