Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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