I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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