I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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