If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
