And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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