The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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