Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
