what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
