That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
