Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
