we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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