You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
