Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
