Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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