Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i would punch a child for taco bell
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
