i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
