There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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