my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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