So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
