I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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