My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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