my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
