I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
