its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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