So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
