Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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