Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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