I'm gonna have a badass scar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
