Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
