well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
