I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
