I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
