My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
