Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
