Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
