I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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