I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
