got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
