I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
