im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
