oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
