@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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