im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
