just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
