tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
