So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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