Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
