I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sober January is a disaster.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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