believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
