She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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