I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
