Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
