i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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