That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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