dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
