Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
