His apartment number was 69. I had to.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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