Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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