I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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