You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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