Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
