so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
