Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
