omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
