ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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