Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
