I'm going to jail i love you
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
