Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Terrible idea I love it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
