and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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