i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
