last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
