Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
