i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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