Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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