we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
