Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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