His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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